Routine, Routine, Routine
Holidays wreak havoc on most family routines. Holidays include late-night events, dietary changes, new activities, and changes in social expectations. There is anticipation and excitement in the air. For many people, the change in routine is a welcome diversion from an otherwise mundane lifestyle.
For sensory kids and many small children, all this change creates chaos, uncertainty, and fatigue. Then, the chaos leads to unexpected and unpredictable behaviors.
December is the month when it feels like very little is accomplished academically in the classroom. Previously met goals or acquired skills will appear to be lost. Extreme mood swings will be noticed. Entire family events will be disrupted by unexplained meltdowns. And the source of all this unrest is simply a disruption to a much depended upon routine.
Here are your T.O.T.S Tuesday Tips regarding holidays and routines:
Throughout the holiday season, do your best to keep the important parts of your child’s routine intact. Maintain their regular bedtime and wake time. Keep the sugar intake to a minimum and make sure your child is drinking plenty of water, and eating healthy proteins and fruits/vegetables. Schedule some downtime in every day.
Create a “quiet spot” in the house where your child can go to rejuvenate, relax, and recuperate. It might an oversized closet, a corner of an infrequently used room, or a small tent. Equip the quiet spot with soft pillows/blankets, relaxing music, a book, a scribble pad, soft light, and bottled water. Include things your child finds calming and relaxing. Screens and gaming systems are not welcome in the quiet spot. The quiet spot is where your child can go to get away for a few moments. It’s a take-a-break spot. Only one child is allowed in the quiet spot at a time. Do not send your child to their quiet spot for a time-out. It is a safe spot and should never be used as punishment. Using a quiet spot empowers your child to choose better alternatives to meltdowns and fits. Acknowledge their good choice each time they choose their quiet spot.
Give yourself permission to decline an invitation. If your child isn’t able to handle the demands of the situation, then graciously decline the invite. You won’t miss the event forever, you are simply making a choice that is best for your family this year. Remember, your child is only this age once. You can re-assess their ability to successfully attend gatherings next year.
Give yourself permission to leave a gathering early. And better yet, make it your goal to leave before the meltdown, not during the meltdown. All meltdowns come with a series of warning signs - a look, a face, a self-imposed time-out. When you see the first one, begin the departure process. Depart as a necessity, not as a consequence. Say, “it’s time for us to head home to get ready for bed,” in a neutral voice; not “we are leaving because you’re being bad,” in an exasperated voice.
Make all expectations crystal clear to your children. In advance, tell them how long the event lasts, when you will be leaving, how you will be leaving, who will be there, and what will be expected of them and others. Practice any skills necessary for their success at the event. Practice your departure. Together select a code word, and when you say the code word, they have 5 minutes to say their goodbyes and gather their belongings. Practice 5 minutes and then stick to the 5 minutes. Most departures don’t work in part because we, as parents, don’t stick to the plan. We will give the 5-minute warning and then we are still talking 20 minutes later. Remember, we are teaching a skill, so we must be accountable and responsible for our child’s success.
If you do all these things and your child still has a meltdown, always remember a meltdown is your child’s way of communicating with you. Instead of looking at the meltdown, look for the message. Are they telling you they are tired, they have had enough, they need a break, they are frustrated, or they are angry? Addressing the message instead of the meltdown helps achieve resolution much sooner!
I hope these tips help you and your family have a truly happy holiday!